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From Mark Ford, founder, Palm Beach Research Group: When my sons were growing up, I dreaded meeting their teachers. I was always a bit afraid that, somewhere in the middle of the conversation, the teacher would lean forward, grab my ear, and chastise me.
This may be an irrational fear, but it is deep-seated. It was planted many years ago at St. Agnes Elementary School. It was nurtured in middle school and high school by just about every teacher who had the misfortune of having me in class.
All that said, because of my deep-seated irrational fear, I had no idea what I could accomplish early in my business career.
But that didn’t stop me.
Despite my less-than-stellar early education, I went on to graduate college magna cum laude. I earned a master’s degree and stopped just short of my dissertation for a Ph.D. I’ve written and published more than a dozen books—including three best-sellers—won awards for writing, and have used the skills I learned in school to help build several multimillion-dollar businesses.
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In The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale says that unless you have a positive attitude about yourself and your abilities, “you cannot be successful or happy.”
I believe he is half right.
Yes, you need a positive attitude to be happy. But you can be quite successful by most measures simply by applying my success formula:
- Decide exactly what it is you want.
- Make it a primary goal.
- Establish a series of yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily objectives to achieve that goal.
- Resist the urge to give up along the way.
My own experience proves that, by doing this, you can achieve almost anything you want in life—even if you don’t have much faith in your own abilities. And I’ve seen it proven dozens of times by others—people I’ve known, people I’ve heard about, and people I’ve read about.
But accomplishments don’t convert to happiness.
So what if you want happiness? Or what if happiness and equanimity are integral to your definition of success? Well, then you need to follow Peale’s advice and start thinking positive thoughts about yourself.
Lack of self-confidence, Peale said, “is one of the great problems besetting people today.” He makes reference to a survey of college students indicating that for 75% of them, confidence was the thing most lacking in their life.
Who could argue with that? If you’ve ever choked up in an interview, forgotten your lines in a play, blown a free throw, or been verbally stifled by a rude comment, you know too well the effect that a lack of self-confidence has on performance.
“The blows of life, the accumulation of difficulties, the multiplication of problems tend to sap energy and leave you spent and discouraged,” Peale says. In such situations, “it is easy to lose track of your abilities and powers.” But by reappraising your personal assets, you can convince yourself “you are less defeated than you think you are.”
As an example, Peale tells how he counseled a 52-year-old man who came to him “in great despondency.” Everything valuable in his life, the man said, had been “swept away” by a recent business setback. “Everything I built up over a lifetime is gone.”
Peale knew that although the man had indeed gone through a serious setback, his chief problem was the way he viewed it.
“Suppose we take a piece of paper and write down the values you have left,” Peale suggested.
So they did. Among other things, the list included these personal assets:
- A wonderful wife—and a 30-year marriage
- Three devoted children
- Admiring friends happy to help
- Good physical health
- Integrity.
That’s not a bad list. If you’re feeling down, I hope focusing on positive personal assets like these can help you overcome your worst feelings about yourself.
Let me tell you a story about this…
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About 30 years ago, I became friendly with a man, about my own age, who had all of the assets listed above—plus a successful printing business and a sizable personal fortune. He was a very charismatic guy—always good-natured, upbeat, full of good fun, and easy to like.
Then, one day, his business failed. I don’t remember the details, but he went bankrupt.
I heard about it soon after it happened. When I called to console him, it was too late. Sobbing, his wife told me he’d killed himself.
I couldn’t understand why he did it. He had had so many other things going for him. In my eyes, his business and the wealth it produced were just gravy.
If my friend had taken Peale’s advice, he’d be alive today. He’d be enjoying all the wonderful things he had, including the love of his wife, children, and friends. He’d also, I’m quite sure, have made back all the money he lost plus plenty more.
Reeves’ Note: Have you encountered great difficulties? Have you lost something that gave you great meaning? We’d like you to follow Peale and Mark’s suggestion…
Write down a list of your personal assets. The things you value. Once you have a list, we want you to focus on your positive personal assets and overcome your worst feelings. And if you’d like, feel free to share your list with the Palm Beach community right here.
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