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From Mark Ford, founder, Palm Beach Research Group: I have a friend who is battling prostate cancer. Despite consistently bad medical reports, he spends no time cursing his fate, complaining about his circumstances, or expressing gloominess of any kind.
He is upbeat, energetic, full of good ideas, and humbly solicitous of my health and happiness.
I asked him recently how he manages to keep such a positive perspective on his life. He told me that at some point in dealing with his illness, he came to realize he had no control over what had happened to him and that feeling bad about it would do him no good. He understood he had a choice to make every day when he woke up: He could be miserable, or he could feel good. He chooses to feel good because it is the only choice that makes the days worth going through.
“Recognizing the preciousness of every day as I do now, I’d much rather be positive and get the benefit of it,” he said. “Besides,” he added, “when I think back on my life—of all the things I’ve done, the places I’ve seen, the people I’ve met, and the love I’ve enjoyed—I can’t feel anything but grateful.”
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In his book Lucky Man, actor Michael J. Fox explains that he is a better, happier person today than he was before he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He’s not the only person with a debilitating and/or incurable disease who feels that way. Sometimes, it takes adversity to appreciate your blessings. It would be much better to start appreciating them now.
And listen to this: I’m reading a very good book called Stumbling on Happiness. It was written by Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard professor of psychology who is very smart, very clever, and very curious. He cites numerous studies indicating that a year or so after enduring all sorts of catastrophes, from public humiliation to amputation, most people had a higher level of happiness than they felt they had before.
The Preciousness of Little Things
Typically, we take the common blessings of life—health, shelter, food, and friendship—for granted. Ironically, gratefulness arrives only after these are impaired or taken away from us.
But if we can learn to practice positivity in our everyday routines, we will find ourselves feeling happier, more loving, and even, if we are good at it, grateful.
That’s not a self-help platitude. It is a fact of life we have all experienced countless times. A positive change in attitude improves not only our feelings but also our behavior. And a positive change in our behavior improves nearly all the benefits of living—everything from our income to our sex lives.
We know it. But can we do it?
I think we can. Some self-help gurus recommend being grateful for the big things in life. Smiling up at the skies and thanking the gods or the universe for our health, our freedom, our wealth, etc.
I’ve tried that, but it never worked for me. It was too abstract. After a week or so, it became routine and meaningless.
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I’ve had better success thinking small—i.e., being grateful for the little things. For example, here are 10 little things I’m grateful for:
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Graciella’s coffee in the morning. Deep, dark, and rich. I don’t know how she makes it so well!
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The New York Times crossword puzzle. The editorials are aggravating but the puzzles are superb. Monday’s puzzles are for morons. Tuesday’s are for twits. From Wednesday to Friday, they are lots of fun. Saturday’s are deadly. And Sunday’s are best on the front porch, looking out at the ocean, puffing on a Padrón.
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Friday nights with friends at my Cigar Club, a warehouse I converted into a “man cave” several years ago. The happiest nights are when, after boring ourselves silly for an hour or two, the women (our spouses) drop in to liven things up.
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Exercising daily. Two days of fitness training with John, a coach and friend I refuse to listen to. (“50 reps? No way. I’m doing 25.”) Four days of jiu-jitsu with national and world champions 20 to 40 years younger than I am. And my Sunday bike ride to the Banana Boat with Peter. We move along at a snail’s pace for six miles and then sprint the last 500 yards.
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Padrón Aniversarios—simply the best cigars in the world. I prefer the naturals, which are medium-bodied. They have a superb taste. They draw perfectly. They are balanced from light puff to nub. And recent studies show that if you smoke just one or two a day, your chances of getting lung cancer are the same as someone who doesn’t smoke anything at all!
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Everything I’ve gotten rid of in the past. Countless shirts and ties and pants dating back to the 1970s. Books with prose so bad I couldn’t get past the first five pages. Exercise equipment bought on impulse but never used (including a pair of platform sneakers that promised to increase the size of my calves).
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That I am in the same jiu-jitsu “weight class” as my wife, K. The weight class I’m referring to is the 100-to-200-pound class. Admittedly, I weigh 199.5 and she weighs 112… And this weight class is so wide only because there are so few people competing in my age group… But, as I remind her, “We are in the same ballpark.”
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That, after 66 years, I still have hair where I want it… on top of my head and not coming out of my nose and ears. (Confession: I trim my nose hair.)
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My art collection. Okay, it may be more of an addiction. I’ve got more than 1,000 paintings in storage. But the several hundred I have hanging in every house and office I own give me constant daily pleasure. They appreciate in value over time, but it’s the daily income of pleasure that I value most.
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Wine. One or two glasses every night. Delicious. Soothing. And fun to learn about. (Did you know that Meritage rhymes with heritage? It’s an American coinage, not French!)
The Preciousness of Big Things
After you’ve taken time to think about some of the many little things that make your life so happy, you’ll be able to move on to the big things in a meaningful and authentic way. Think about these big ideas for a long time. Consider even writing a few pages about them every week.
Your health: You have aches. You have pains. You may have illness and infirmity. But you also have time every day to enjoy yourself and the company of the people you love and are loved by. Be thankful for that.
Your wealth: You haven’t hit the Forbes list of wealthiest humans, but you have enough money to put clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and food in your stomach.
Your wisdom: You understand the most important things. You realize that of the gifts of life, life itself—particularly a life without pain—is the most precious.
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Next to that is the love you share with friends and family members whose company you cherish.
And next to that is the potential of your imagination—your innate and inalienable ability to do what you want with your mind, which is, after all, where your life is located.
Your work—the intellectual and emotional challenges that make your day exciting.
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The Homework Assignment That Will Change Your Life
Today, if you are up for it, I’d like you to do two things. And if this improves your mood, then try to make it part of your daily routine:
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Spend 15 minutes doing something relaxing. But make it purposeful by choosing something that allows you to slow down your mind. Take a walk while listening to soothing music or looking at nature. Meditate, either formally or simply by sitting in a comfortable chair, closing your eyes, and focusing your attention on your breathing. Breathe slowly. Count your breath if it helps clear your mind. Do this for 10 minutes. Then spend another minute or two getting a sense of your “here and now.” Be aware of how your body feels: your head, your shoulders, your chest and stomach—down to your toes. And pay attention, too, to the state of your mind. Are you calmer now? Doesn’t that feel good?
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Then spend another minute or two thinking about all the “little” things you should be thankful for. Be aware of and grateful for the air you are breathing, the sun on your skin, your lover’s sigh, your children’s voices, and the companionship of your friends. Recognize the fact that after you’re gone—after your ego is extinguished—all those things will still exist, just as they exist now for you but not for the dead.
If all that works, then make a resolution that, from now on, you will devote just 15 minutes a day to making that day more fulfilling by slowing down, focusing on your breathing, and then contemplating all the little things that enrich your life, all those things you can only enjoy if you are willing to be grateful for them.
“Gratitude,” said Cicero, “is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
Think about it…
Reeves’ Note: Mark’s short “homework assignment” is just the first step in learning how to become wealthier and healthier every single day of your life. He’s put 30 years’ worth of life lessons into a comprehensive blueprint that will make life more pleasurable—and profitable—for anyone who can master it. You can start putting some of his favorite wealth-building techniques to work for yourself today…